The Truth on Valentine's Day

It's been 2 years since I was in a serious relationship. Sure, I dated a couple of times in the past years and stopped “dating” someone just last week, and yet, here I am, on Valentine's Day, single.

I finally decided that after spending the past two Valentine's Day as a single woman, it's about time I let my heart speak.

I've said this before and I'll say it again - I am happy about where I am now. Do I miss being in a relationship? Of course, I do!

I miss being with someone I consider my partner in crime.

I miss doing things as a couple - traveling, dining out, watching movies, shopping, etc.

I miss making passionate love with someone I deeply love.

I miss cuddling in bed with someone while listening to his heart beating.

I miss hearing the words "I love you" and "I miss you".

I miss missing someone.

I miss the butterflies in my stomach.

I miss holding hands while walking. ^_^

I miss all that. Sure, the feeling makes me feel sad at times, but I'm hopeful.

I believe that being with the wrong men and in relationships that didn't work, I've grown as a person, as a woman, as a lover. I've learned lessons the hard way.

I've been heartbroken.

I fell helplessly in love.

I've been hurt.

I've hurt.

I've cried a river.

I laughed hard.

I felt genuinely and passionately loved.

And after all that and what I've experienced in the past decade and a half of my life, I made a conscious decision to never let myself settle again. THIS is why I'm still single.

If I wanted to be in a relationship, I would be in one. My friends who know me from a long time ago know this to be true. But, I am not in a hurry. Not anymore.

Musings about The Mistress : Not a Review

I just finished watching The Mistress, a Filipino / Tagalog movie starring John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo. The story revolved around mistresses, secret affairs and other typical scenarios you'd see in a Filipino movie - rich boy falls for poor girl, they can't be together. Since I basically almost summed up what the story is about in this first paragraph, needless to say, this ain't a review.

In case you haven't watched the movie yet, (SPOILER ALERT!!!) John Lloyd plays the role of Eric / JD Torres. He's an architect and the son of wealthy businessman Rico (Ronaldo Valdez) and Regina Torres (Hilda Koronel). Bea is Sari Alfonso who is a seamstress who came from a poor, big family led by her mother Carmi Martin. Eventually, you'll know that Sari is Rico's mistress, and JD / Eric later finds out about this, but still pursues Sari.

You might be wondering now why I'm writing this blog post about the movie with no intention of reviewing it. I guess there were lines and scenes from the movie that hit me. Sure, I've been the other woman and on the cheating end, so you'd really expect that The Mistress has affected me in a way.

Yes, I admit, it did, especially the part where JD said Sari deserved someone who is completely hers, who she didn't have to share with anyone else - in short, she deserves more than leftover love. I realized this a long, long time ago and I'll never put myself in that situation again 'cause I know now how it feels to be the cheater, the other woman and the clueless girlfriend, and how good it is to be with someone who’s got eyes for only you. Whenever I deal with boys (for me, real men are monogamous) who act and talk like they're God's gifts to women, I keep telling myself I deserve better.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm still single.

 

The Blame Game

Aside from the obvious effect on me of this movie, what surprised me was how mature Bea's character was. Her mother (Carmi) was a mistress too. After everything with JD and Rico got all messed up, her mother was apologizing for what Sari is going through 'cause she felt like it was her fault - she wasn't a good example.

After years of watching select Filipino / Tagalog movies, I didn't expect Sari to say that it was not her mother's fault, that no one else is to blame but herself. This scene made me stop and start writing this post.

On Beliefs

I remember a few months ago, I was chatting with a long-time friend of mine. Over the years I've known him, we've flirted here and there, but never officially dated. We lost communication for about six years until he accidentally saw me on Facebook this year. And I was quite surprised by how he turned out.

He's one of the naughty guy friends of mine back in my late 20s, so I couldn't believe that he became an extremely religious guy - a devoted Christian. He's active in his Church and never in a million years did I ever think he's to lecture me about my liberalism.

It was all good, really. He wasn't pushing his religion on me, like most religious / spiritual people I know whose self-righteousness I find ludicrous. And I made him promise that when we see each other again that he'll never talk to me about his religion or his beliefs, what he read in the Bible, etc. I was being sarcastic ‘cause I know religious people like him can’t help  but preach to hopefully entice, rather invite people to join their Bible study group or something.

I can't remember exactly what happened, but while we were chatting, we came into this argument after I was pissed by his inconsistency. He was being naughty one second and then a few minutes later, he was all preachy about right and wrong. I'm like, what the hell?!

So, I continued arguing with him, telling him he was a hypocrite and I was blocking every reason he spews my way. It came to a point that I was already mocking him for his beliefs and his lack of consistency in them. And I’ll laugh when all he can use to reason out was “… it says in the Bible”. In short, we ended that conversation with a heavy heart. I distinctly recall feeling like I won that argument.

After a few days, I realized what I did. I hated other people pushing their beliefs on me, but I never thought, even for a second, that I was doing EXACTLY what I was accusing him of. Upon further contemplation about it, I sent him a message and apologized for how I behaved. I told him exactly what I realized. He didn't say a word, and just accepted the apology. And I made him promise that it was the last time we'll talk about our beliefs and religion.

And I believe that's one of the major problems we have as humans. We don't want other people shoving their beliefs down our throats when, unknowingly, we're guilty of the same sin.

Throughout the years, I realized this as I continued to mature mentally and emotionally. When someone's arguing with me about something I strongly believe in, I listen intently and ponder if I should respond. If I don't find any reason to do so, I just let them believe they're right. Or, I just change the subject altogether. *LOL*

TO EACH HIS OWN. An expression I've overused this year. And I intend to keep that in mind. I will continue to speak my mind, but when I've reached a point when I see it's become senseless, I'll shut up as a show of (feigned) respect. ;)