For the past week, I’ve been going back and forth about how I want to celebrate my birthday this year. I’ve met a lot of new people; some of them, I now consider my friends. Some, honestly, I know will just remain my acquaintances. Do I want to throw a big party and invite people who barely know the true me or instead be surrounded by those who have seen all sides of me and yet stood by my side throughout the years?
I know some of my new friends who might be reading this now will get offended, hurt or disappointed, but if they truly know what I’ve been through, they’d understand.
My long-time friends, especially my high school best friends, can attest to how much I value my friendships. I’m the type of person who can be a loyal friend ’til the end, no matter how bad your situation is. No matter how low you feel like your life’s been, I’d be there for you. I may not be in constant communication, but when you REALLY need me, I’d be there for you.
But, I’ve been burned a lot before. I used to make friends so quickly that I naively thought it was just that easy to trust people. I knew better, but it was that side of me who believed in the good of everyone who led me into trusting that most of them would value my friendship. Let’s just say I’ve learned my lesson.
It saddens me now that some of my so-called friends that I always invite to my birthday celebrations years ago are no longer part of my list of invitees this year. And so I made that decision to keep my 31st birthday celebration intimate.
The past months have been hard for me, honestly. I’ve been warned by my close friends to not easily trust people, especially in this “online world” I’m living in now. I can’t help but keep my guard up. It just pains me that it’s hard to trust people nowadays. *sigh* But, for my sake, I’m VERY careful now.
I know, it’s my birth month, I should be celebrating, right? Don’t get me wrong. I feel so blessed with people who love me, who admire me for who I am and what I’m capable of, who I know are there to back me up no matter what, and who I know understand all sides of me, including the crazy, wild Mhel. And I’ve been blessed with a few new friends this year who I know have my back too even after just a few months of knowing me.
I promise to have a bigger birthday celebration next year. And I hope these new friends of mine won’t be a bunch of strangers when that time comes.
Photo credit: True Friendship
Quote: From Status Shuffle on FB