We all change. Our experiences mold us into either someone we’re proud of or a person we hate. It’s inevitable. We have control over it, yes, but most of the time, we realize what’s going on when it’s too late… when we’ve already said hurtful things or we’ve done something really stupid.
For the past week, I’ve been really stressed. No, it’s not about my new job or any of my sideline projects because I love what I’m doing. In fact, I should be singing in glee because of all the opportunities coming my way for the past months. But, for some reason, I found myself almost in the verge of depression. And that’s not the worst part. I’ve acted somewhat hatefully towards people I care about. I may be right. My feelings may be justified. However, I detest seeing myself acting that way towards others. This isn’t me.
Then, I thought… and wished I had a mute button. That way, when I’m feeling any amount of negativity that I wanted to let out, I can just press it and I can continuously rant without people hearing the words coming out of my mouth. OR I can type away all my emotions and honest thoughts, and the person on the other end will only see blank text or messages.
But, then again, I should be working on this from within me. I’m tired of some of the things that has been said and done to me repeatedly and I honestly thought of ways I can escape this. No, I’m not suicidal. I value and respect myself and my life enough to not go there. I believe I just need a complete respite, far away from whatever and whoever’s causing me to feel this way. For now, though, I need to get my emotions in check, just like what I always do before they erupted to almost an emotional breakdown.
I’m feeling better now. I just hope I have that MUTE button so people can shut me up when I’m saying some hurtful words or when I’m being completely honest without thinking of their feelings. I can be that b-tch, y’know.
I want to end this post with a fun video from Improv Everywhere entitled “The Mute Button”.
Cool, eh? I tried talking without any sound coming out of me and I can still hear the S sounds. *LOL*
This post reminded me of this one time I was arguing with my boyfriend (now my ex) who just returned to the USA after a month-long vacation here with me. We were web video conferencing and voice-chatting at the same time. It got pretty ugly to a point that I pressed the mute button on my chat program so I won’t hear what he’s saying. We broke up that same night. It was then I realized that some things, no matter how hard you try, cannot be fixed. We haven’t talked since.
Don’t you wish we all have a mute button?