Day 1: Why Are You Still Single?

So, it’s day 1 of my take on The Single Woman’s 30-day blogging challenge. Of course, the topic is all about probably the most asked question by people, especially my relatives, when they see me: “Why are you still single?”

day1

This question, for me, is what I consider the most irritating personal inquiry someone can ask a single woman or man. I mean, is there even a correct answer to this? Should I answer honestly or make up some random bullshit just to shut you up? And if I give you an honest answer, how badly would you judge me? Would you even listen or just interpret my response based on what YOU think you know about me?

I’ve been asked this question many times, and what’s funny is, every time, it’s someone who I don’t even consider a friend or someone I’m close with. Yes, even our relatives who feel like it’s okay to ask me that question, they’re not playing any important part in my life to even deserve to know the reason why I’m still single (some are even unhappy in their own relationships or are in unhealthy ones). Only my closest friends know exactly why and, for the sake of this 30-day blogging challenge, I’ll let you in on the REAL reason why I’m still not married to anyone at this point in my life.

But, first, how do I answer this question? I have tried every answer in the single woman book and nothing seems to shut people up 😀 :

  • “I’m busy with work” or “I’m too busy right now” – They’ll respond by saying I should make time since I’m not getting any younger, like it’s something you can just add to your to-do list.
  • “I have no time for a boyfriend now” – They’ll usually give me the “Are you serious?” kind of look, or they’ll say I have high standards. And I’m like, “Are you seriously telling me to settle with just about anyone just because I’m over 30?!”
  • “I’m seeing someone but nothing serious” – This triggers more questions, so I stopped using this, though I was actually dating someone at that time. Some of the questions that were thrown at me were, “Where is he? Why is he not with you?”, “Why are you still single on Facebook?” (Ugh. Who says that’s now a measure of a true relationship?), “When are you getting married?” (I just said it’s nothing serious and you want us to get married?! 😀 ) and a lot more facepalm worthy questions. 😀
  • “I’m just having fun”, or “I’m enjoying being single for now” – Again, they feel like I should be desperate now to be a wife or a mother. 😀 People need to understand we have different priorities in life.

Here’s the thing: the main (and REAL) reason why I’m still single is I haven’t found anyone who made me truly, madly, deeply fall in love with him. If you really know me, you probably already know that I’ve been with many guys and 2 girls (surprise, surprise). There have been only 2 people who I know I truly loved – my first love who I was with for over a year, and my last serious relationship whom I spent 5 years of my life with. Since then, I’ve dated a few guys, but none of them made me want to settle or commit.

I don’t have high standards. Okay, maybe a little, but I feel like all of us have high standards and we just throw them all out the window once we’ve found that one person who would change our minds. I haven’t found anyone yet who made me feel like I want to stay, be with him and see where and how things will go.

To be honest, whenever I am asked that question, “Why are you still single?”, my default answer is almost always the fact that I’m busy with my life and work, and I’m trying to wiggle my way towards the future that I want for myself, for my family of 3 (my brother and our nanay) and my future son/daughter. I believe it’s important for me to be happy with my life, my present situation and where I stand in terms of where I want to be in my future BEFORE I even consider being in a relationship again.

Profound relationship with ourselves

What I’m trying to say is, people who usually ask that question are those who feel like, since I’m over 30 and still single, I should be in a rush to get married and be with just about anyone as long as I’m not ‘alone’. I’ve seen too many relationships ending badly, unhappy people in relationships, and cheaters that I don’t think anyone, especially those who are at my age, should be in a hurry to be with anyone just for the sake of not being alone.

The thing is, I’m far from being alone. I have my family of 3 who I get to travel and go on food trips with. And I feel like my friendships with my closest friends have improved greatly because of my ‘singlehood’. I’ve become a better person, friend, daughter and sister because of what I’ve been going through the past 3 years, just being with myself (if that even makes sense) and working towards my desired future. I’m happy – not satisfied yet, but I’m happy where I am now. Could I be happier? Of course! 🙂

However, with that said, I don’t think being with just about anyone would make me happier. Sure, people would think that it’s better to be with someone than be single. You know what? In my 19 years of dating, and my friends will tell you I’ve been with almost all kinds of guys, I’ve experienced a lot to know that you can’t be completely happy being in a relationship where you simply settled. The heart wants what the heart wants, but I’ve been brokenhearted many times to know better.

I think I'm the ONE

I guess, and I might start sounding bitter, but my last serious relationship has made me stand firm in my decision to not settle. I cannot be in a relationship again where I have to compromise almost everything I know about myself just to remain loved by someone.

I want to be with someone who I know would be my PARTNER, my BEST FRIEND, and someone who won’t judge me and want to change me. I only want to be in a relationship with someone who knows me well enough and accepts everything and still want to be with me. And, most importantly, I need to be with someone who respects me, my family of 3, and where I want to be in the future – and maybe, even help me get there. So far, no one has even gotten his foot in the door.

Boyfriend lives in the future

This quote reminds me of Misfits couple Alisha and Simon. 😀

I know relationships take a lot of work. I especially know this now after my 5-year relationship with someone who I now know didn’t understand who I truly am. I will never let that happen again.

So there, that’s why I’m still single. I’m focusing on ME now and MY future. If someone is worthy enough to be with me while I go down this road to where I want to be in the next 5 years, maybe I’ll let myself be distracted. 😉

But that answer might be too complicated for most people to understand when they ask me the question, “Why are you still single?”, so I might as well stick with my new default answer for now. “I’m busy being awesome.” 😀