What If…

…he’s really my “the one who got away”? Maybe. I know he’ll love me so much, he’ll not know what to do with all of the emotions and the passion.

What if we ended up together? Though I’m happy where I am now – with a stressful yet fulfilling job and enjoying my singlehood – times like tonight make me think about the what-could’ve-beens.

“Ikaw kasi eh, bakit mo ko iniwan…”

It didn’t really sound like a question. It sounded more like, “you could’ve been happy with me if you didn’t leave me.” And in my head, I’m like, “were we even together?!” 😀

The real question is, will we even still be together if we didn’t break up at that very moment over a decade ago that he seems to still vividly remember? Knowing me, I feel like we wouldn’t end up together no matter what choose-your-own-adventure sequence of events we follow. There’s not much there to hold on to that could’ve kept us together.

I guess it’s better this way. He has his own family now, with smart kids and a lovely wife, who has no idea about this thing between her husband and I. I’d rather stay as the long-time friend he’s still very much close with.

Dang. I’m still thinking about what he said and what could’ve been. I knew he was in love with me back then. Head over heels. But he felt like I wouldn’t take him seriously. I wished he tried. We did have this mutual understanding, and in some way, I did feel something for him. He didn’t have the courage to pursue me ’cause he was scared of what I could do to him emotionally. I really wish he did try. I’m sure he would’ve been one of the most memorable loves of my life. 🙂

Okay, enough of this shit. 😀