I’ve never been good with goodbyes. And this time is no different. It’s like a big chunk of my heart was carved out and there’s one empty hole I don’t know how I’ll ever fill up again.
I loved him to pieces. We all did and in a way, he brought our family together. We talk about how playful he’d been, or what new tricks he got up his sleeves. Looking for him as soon as I wake up was one of the things I look forward to everyday. Now, I won’t be seeing him anymore and it just breaks my heart.
I’ve had too much heartaches from our pets who have passed on in the past years. There’s our 10+ year old dog Stacie who we love deeply. And, now, Lucas. 🙁
In all honesty, I’m starting to hate having a pet. Losing them as early as a few months because of a sickness they can’t take and medicines that won’t work or are too late to have an effect – makes me weaker. But, I will continue loving our pets. I’m just not so sure about how much I can give anymore.
Losing Lucas just a few hours ago made me realize many things. His passing has taught me lessons that I hope I’ll truly learn from and affect me. These lessons, I can’t reveal or tell you now ’cause this just breaks my heart. But, one thing I’m sure won’t ever change – my capacity to love someone as deeply as I could even with the fear of losing them in the future.
I also realized something about myself that I didn’t know I had in me. I’m not sure if it’s a good quality, but I learned that I don’t give up on anyone or anything easily. I fight until I know there’s nothing else I can do. And I would like to think that Lucas did exactly the same thing – giving me that ounce of hope that he’ll be okay because he can hear how sad I’m becoming. I really hoped I could’ve done better. 🙁
Kakabalik mo lang samin eh, tapos iniwan mo kami agad. 🙁
Lucas, wherever you are, I wish I could’ve done more. I hope you felt how much we wanted you to stay, but we know it was beyond your control. Thank you for all the laughter. For all your dirty tricks that made my days and nights brighter and lighter. Thank you for fighting ’til your last breath. I will love you always and forever. I hope you meet Stacie soon. Please tell her she’s missed. And you will be missed too. See you in heaven. 🙂
We’ll do your kitty yoga up in heaven soon. I love you, Lucas. 🙂
I end this post with this touching story which helped lighten this burden for me. I guess this is why, even though we are aware of the fact that animals or our pets live a shorter life, we still take the risk of adopting or accepting new pets again into our lives. They’re just too awesome. 🙂
Rites of Passage
Some of the most poignant moments I spend as a veterinarian are those spent with my clients assisting the transition of my animal patients from this world to the next. When living becomes a burden, whether from pain or loss of normal functions, I can help a family by ensuring that their beloved pet has an easy passing. Making this final decision is painful, and I have often felt powerless to comfort the grieving owners.
That was before I met Shane.
I had been called to examine a ten-year-old blue heeler named Belker who had developed a serious health problem. The dog’s owners – Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane – were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.
I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane could learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.
Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me – I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, “Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody and being nice, right?” The four-year-old continued, “Well, animals already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”
By Robin Downing, D.V.M. from Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover’s Soul