I know it’s weird that I’m feeling this way. But I can’t help what I feel.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t been spending so much time here in our home.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have my own room anymore. Nanay took over my entire room, and there’s nothing here that I personally own.
Maybe because I’ve started to love living independently, on my own for over a year now, that I somehow feel like I’m out of place in what used to be my own spot in the house where my family has lived in for a decade now.
The thought of being away from my brother, our nanay and our dog Marcel pains me, but I somehow feel the need to get out of here and go back to my condo in Makati. It’s the only place now that I can call my own, even when I’m just renting it.
This has fired up my desire to officially buy my own place. I don’t want to feel like an outsider in my very own home. 🙁
Tomorrow, I shall be traveling back to my Makati home. I went on an extended long weekend because I know I need to kinda adjust again to being on my own. This feeling is making me sick. 🙁
I don’t think anyone would understand how I’m feeling. People who’ll read this might think I’m overreacting. But, again, I can’t help what I’m feeling.
It’s been over 2 months since I went back to our home in Malabon. I’m starting to feel really homesick, especially when I see photos of my bro and our nanay traveling together and eating out without me. 🙁
To be honest, if my nanay and Marcel weren’t there and they’re with me, I don’t think I’ll feel this homesick. I’ve adjusted well with living alone, or living far away from my family. Well, except for Ken, but I feel like he’ll soon be moving out. I’m doing pretty okay living all alone. I enjoy the independence, having to worry about just me. But there are days like tonight when I miss having our nanay take care of things for me.
In about 3 weeks, I’ll be going back home for a few days. It’ll serve as my vacation from all the craziness that’s been happening to me at work and in my personal life. I need a breather. I actually need a long vacation somewhere far, but that’ll have to wait til the last week of April or May probably. I desperately need a break.
I’m also thinking about moving out of my current condo. I still enjoy the convenience of just crossing the street when I’m going to work or when I’m tired after a long day at work. But there’s something about this current situation that’s also stressing me out. My home and the place where I work are just too fricking close that I sometimes feel like my condo is an extension of the office. I need to move away to feel more rested, really.
I still have a few months to save enough money and plan my moving out. My rental here has been taking a toll on me financially. I need to start saving up!! Hopefully, I’ll get to move somewhere that’ll help me save enough money for my future plans.
*sigh* Just the thought of having to pack my stuff again, move out, unpack and organize my things is making me sick. 😀 But it has to be done. I have no choice. 😀