Category Archives: Random Rants

I Quit… Again

A few posts ago, I wrote about how I hate myself for smoking again… how I let myself get sucked into this addiction for the second time. Four days after that post, I decided to finally quit. AGAIN. How am I doing?

I’m now on my 16th day of no smoking. Yes, I, again, went cold turkey and didn’t go through the gradual quitting. This time around, it was hard. So fricking hard.

The first time I quit smoking, I didn’t go through the withdrawal phase at all. I just psyched myself to a point where I hated the stench of smoke around me and it worked. Well, for a year. This time around, I went for a different approach.

 I miss you… goodbye.

And this is why I experienced symptoms of withdrawal from my smoking addiction. On my first week of quitting, my head hurt like hell! There were even nights I’d go out of my room and walk from my room to our gate and back. I had to control myself from grabbing a ciggy from our store and lighting it up. It didn’t show and I don’t think anyone noticed, but I was going crazyyyy! LOL

I had a few road blocks the past few days, including the following:

  • Other smokers teasing or inviting me to smoke with them (yes, I meant you ENZO! *LoL*). How mean, right? O_o

    I successfully gotten over this. Okay, not really that successful ’cause my bro saw me staring at them like I was drooling or something. But, still, I was able to not let that craving control me. Plus, my dad still smokes so imagine how harder it is for me.

  • I know that one of the many issues I’d have to deal with during the first phase of quitting is partying or drinking with friends without smoking. It’s going to be a real struggle.  Last week though, we had a homecoming party for a cousin and her family. We had a few drinks and I was able to stop myself from thinking about smoking. Woot! But, I can’t really promise to completely quit smoking while drinking yet. I’ll try my absolute best though.
  • Whenever I see people smoking, I’d move a few steps closer to them just to inhale some nicotine-filled air they’re puffing out of their system. I know, that’s so crazy, right? After once or twice of doing it, I realize how stupid I look (and it’s quite disgusting actually) and I’ll move away. *LOL* I’m laughing now, but it’s truly disturbing.

A friend of mine suggested that I buy ecigarettes to help me with this phase. I kind of liked that idea, but for now, I want to program my whole mind, body and soul that I just have to quit smoking… FOR GOOD. I can do this!

Some people say that I should stop counting the days since my last ciggy. Honestly, it works for me. I feel more encouraged to continue when I know how long I’ve been controlling myself from smoking. And I wish that, very soon, I can completely say I’m smoke-free.

Please help me pray for strength that I may successfully quit this nasty habit. Thank you. 🙂

Loving the Distance?

I'll hold you in my heart 'til I can hold you in my arms - JustAnotherPixel.net

I’ve never been a fan of long distance relationships. I’ve been there. I’ve been through the constant and helpless longing for someone who’s miles away, so I know how hard it is and how much painful it can be if your heart and mind are not ready.

I salute couples in LDR (long distance relationships). Though I’ve been there more than once before, I still can’t bear the feeling of missing someone so much and not being able to do anything about it. It never gets easy.

I see more people getting into long distance relationships nowadays, possibly because of the advanced technology where we can now talk with our loved ones through voice chat or even with video (or they don’t really have a choice). It does help make the distance a li’l bearable. Still, nothing beats the sensation of your special someone’s touch on your skin on a cold night.

*sigh*

I’ve been reading a blog about LDR by Didi Paterno, entitled Loving the Distance. She recently got married to the love of her life, but she’s written a lot of inspiring posts that should help anyone who’s in a long distance relationship.

I started reading her blog a year ago. And there were some that really hit home, especially about missing your special someone. That’s truly the hardest part. I’ve seen myself go crazy after only a month. Imagine going through the same emotions for a longer period of time. Arrghhhh!

I’m very thankful for our technology today. At least, you can see each other and you can wear anything you want, in your pajamas, or even equestrian clothing (after going horseback riding, if you’re into that). No need to get all dolled up for a "date".

But sometimes, it does make the longing worse. I even find myself staring on my computer screen and wanting to touch it just to help me imagine more that I’m touching the face of the person on the other end.

Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. I consider myself strong when it comes to controlling my emotions, but I’m still having difficulty dealing with it. It’s like every minute, I feel this nagging pain in my heart. Or maybe it’s because of something else entirely, I’m not sure. *sigh*

The last time I was in an LDR, it kind of worked for me in the sense that I had a ton of "me" time. But, still, that loneliness lurks up from behind you and pricks your heart every time. And you’d wish you can be with your special someone in a flick of your fingers.

Can I last in a long distance relationship? I’m not quite sure because the longest I’ve been away from my special someone was for 3 months. I don’t know if I can surpass that record and not go crazy after a year of waiting.

I guess only time will tell. I don’t know how everything will play out, but all I know is I’d want to end up with someone who can be there for me physically, mentally and emotionally. I miss holding hands with someone. I miss the hugs and kisses from someone I truly love and who loves me back. If it’s with him, then good. If time and circumstances won’t allow it, I’m sure glad our paths crossed again.

In the meantime, I need to keep myself busy to get my mind off this yearning. >_<

Back to work, Mhel.

(Image credit: Long Distance)

Loving the Distance?

I'll hold you in my heart 'til I can hold you in my arms - JustAnotherPixel.net

I’ve never been a fan of long distance relationships. I’ve been there. I’ve been through the constant and helpless longing for someone who’s miles away, so I know how hard it is and how much painful it can be if your heart and mind are not ready.

I salute couples in LDR (long distance relationships). Though I’ve been there more than once before, I still can’t bear the feeling of missing someone so much and not being able to do anything about it. It never gets easy.

I see more people getting into long distance relationships nowadays, possibly because of the advanced technology where we can now talk with our loved ones through voice chat or even with video (or they don’t really have a choice). It does help make the distance a li’l bearable. Still, nothing beats the sensation of your special someone’s touch on your skin on a cold night.

*sigh*

I’ve been reading a blog about LDR by Didi Paterno, entitled Loving the Distance. She recently got married to the love of her life, but she’s written a lot of inspiring posts that should help anyone who’s in a long distance relationship.

I started reading her blog a year ago. And there were some that really hit home, especially about missing your special someone. That’s truly the hardest part. I’ve seen myself go crazy after only a month. Imagine going through the same emotions for a longer period of time. Arrghhhh!

I’m very thankful for our technology today. At least, you can see each other and you can wear anything you want, in your pajamas, or even equestrian clothing (after going horseback riding, if you’re into that). No need to get all dolled up for a “date”.

But sometimes, it does make the longing worse. I even find myself staring on my computer screen and wanting to touch it just to help me imagine more that I’m touching the face of the person on the other end.

Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. I consider myself strong when it comes to controlling my emotions, but I’m still having difficulty dealing with it. It’s like every minute, I feel this nagging pain in my heart. Or maybe it’s because of something else entirely, I’m not sure. *sigh*

The last time I was in an LDR, it kind of worked for me in the sense that I had a ton of “me” time. But, still, that loneliness lurks up from behind you and pricks your heart every time. And you’d wish you can be with your special someone in a flick of your fingers.

Can I last in a long distance relationship? I’m not quite sure because the longest I’ve been away from my special someone was for 3 months. I don’t know if I can surpass that record and not go crazy after a year of waiting.

I guess only time will tell. I don’t know how everything will play out, but all I know is I’d want to end up with someone who can be there for me physically, mentally and emotionally. I miss holding hands with someone. I miss the hugs and kisses from someone I truly love and who loves me back. If it’s with him, then good. If time and circumstances won’t allow it, I’m sure glad our paths crossed again.

In the meantime, I need to keep myself busy to get my mind off this yearning. >_<

Back to work, Mhel.

(Image credit: Long Distance)

Living Far Away from My True Home

I’ve always wondered how it would be to live in another country. To tell you quite frankly, I never want to leave the Philippines to stay anywhere else in the world. I just don’t think it’s for me.

Yes, I dreamed of living in Europe and in the USA, like in Miami or New York. But the thought of losing all the convenience that I’m experiencing now living in my own country just makes me want to stay more.

No, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t want to go anywhere else but the Philippines. I do want to travel to Paris and go up the Eiffel Tower someday, or see the Statue of Liberty in all its grandeur. I want to dine in an authentic Italian restaurant in Rome and be swept off my feet by the beauty of my surroundings. I want to walk the whole distance of the Great Wall of China or go shopping in Hongkong. I would love to roam around and even possibly fall in love in Santorini.

Santorini - JustAnotherPixel.net

Lately, though, I’ve been wondering about visiting Canada. I can’t really divulge when and why this desire started burning in me, but I know I’d love to go there sometime soon.

Anyway (I’m changing the subject), my bro Kenneth and my nanay dream of living outside the Philippines. Or at least to have a home somewhere colder or in a place where the culture is way more progressive than ours. Not that we’re complaining about that but it’ll be a breath of fresh air to experience living with less conservative people.

I just hope that when that time comes when I decide to possibly live abroad, I already have my own kids to raise. I’ll put up wooden swing sets Connecticut at our backyard so they can play right outside our home. *sigh*

I guess this is just me wishfully thinking. But, I know if you put your mind into something, nothing’s impossible. 🙂

Just Another Pixel is Moving!

I know, I’ve said before that I want to move this blog, Just Another Pixel, to WordPress like last year then I changed my mind after a few weeks. This time, though, I’m serious.

The only thing that really kept me from moving was this blog’s PR. It’s now back to PR4 (yeyy!) and that means a lot more opportunities and traffic may come my way here. And when I switch to WordPress, I risk losing that PR.

JustAnotherPixel.net is moving - for real this time!I know, there’s a way to keep my ranking, but I guess it’s the paranoid in me that’s holding me back. I’ve got a pretty good managed hosting from a very generous person so there’s really no need to worry about expenses and downtimes. I know they have secure servers and colocation.

You might be wondering what triggered this idea to come up again now. Well, a few hours ago, this blog was down for a couple of hours. It wasn’t really because of Blogger, but my domain registrar Moniker.

The thing is, I’ve got 14 domains on Moniker, but only those blogs on Blogger were down. The rest of my blogs on WordPress were accessible. Weird, I know, but it may be some kind of caching self-hosted WordPress blogs do that keeps them on even when the domain registrar/host is down.

So, yes, this blog will be migrating to WordPress and moving to my other web hosting. I can’t risk losing all the traffic and not being able to update this blog when that happens again.

Okay, I may be a li’l over-reacting, especially because this is the first time I experienced this with Moniker in my 3 years with them. But, I still prefer to have full control over my server. So, yes, expect me to move in the next month or so. 🙂