I know it’s weird that I’m feeling this way. But I can’t help what I feel.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t been spending so much time here in our home.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have my own room anymore. Nanay took over my entire room, and there’s nothing here that I personally own.
Maybe because I’ve started to love living independently, on my own for over a year now, that I somehow feel like I’m out of place in what used to be my own spot in the house where my family has lived in for a decade now.
The thought of being away from my brother, our nanay and our dog Marcel pains me, but I somehow feel the need to get out of here and go back to my condo in Makati. It’s the only place now that I can call my own, even when I’m just renting it.
This has fired up my desire to officially buy my own place. I don’t want to feel like an outsider in my very own home. 🙁
Tomorrow, I shall be traveling back to my Makati home. I went on an extended long weekend because I know I need to kinda adjust again to being on my own. This feeling is making me sick. 🙁
I don’t think anyone would understand how I’m feeling. People who’ll read this might think I’m overreacting. But, again, I can’t help what I’m feeling.
You know how it is sometimes when you’re stretched thin, worn down, fed up and tired out…? You know when you just need a break? That’s the time when – what is for some of us – a secret vice comes into its own.
There is something wonderfully ceremonial about the way the game unfolds. It is like a slow-motion glimpse into another universe. The game most definitely comes with its own peculiar pace, as though gravity somehow works differently there. You have to slow down to match the pace of the game, as if you’re being sucked into a richly coloured hole in space (rather than a black one).
The game itself is simple and straightforward and wonderfully rhythmic. Put the balls in the pockets one at a time in the right order – red then a colour, red then a colour, then, when the reds are gone, yellow, green, brown, blue, pink and black, one after another. It doesn’t require any effort to understand or make any demands on you as a viewer other than that you keep your eyes open – and even that is optional.
But inside this warm and cosy wrap-around there is a competitive tension and a level of skill that adds another layer to the whole drama. If the gently rolling colours are not enough to ease your aching mind, there is the escapism of following the fortunes of your favourite player. The game might be played in a wonderfully cushioned hush, and everyone involved may be splendidly calm, but within their quiet cocoons the players are all competing tooth and nail to land the game’s big prizes. And they do win big money.
It’s easy to start to feel like you know the players involved, they’re always in close up. And there are such striking differences in the way they play – slow and cagey, safe and sound, or rock and roll racers like Ronnie – The Rocket – O’Sullivan. They all have different talents and they all have their fans, both amongst those of us who watch casually or those who put their money where their affections are and back their heroes at the bookmakers.
A perfect fit
Some games are somehow just the right shape for TV. Tennis is another one: boxes within boxes make for a game that is just perfect for small screen watchers. It is a wholly natural fit. And all that green is somehow deeply soothing. Have you noticed that the tennis from Wimbledon is somehow easier on the eye than the bright red clay or the blue plastic that they sometimes play on in other tournaments? Maybe that’s why it just feels so easy to come home, turn on, tune in and wind down when one of the big snooker tournaments is on. The perfectly smooth bright green of the baize is wonderfully serene.
When no news is good news
When you compare it with all the other sport around it is just so much more likeable. No financial scandals like in football, no drugs dramas like in athletics or cycling. Nobody gets hurt and no-one misbehaves – well almost no-one. Rocket Ronnie has been known to play without his shoes on…
But when the worst thing that anyone does is to ask if anyone can lend him a pair of shoes you know that your evening is not going to be interrupted by anything that will keep you awake at night.
Low key high drama
It’s that paradoxical combination of low key and high drama that gives snooker its particular appeal. When every other sport is running about jumping and shouting and pumping themselves up and doing everybody else down, snooker’s old world charm makes it the perfect companion for an evening’s relaxation.
If you’ve not tried it for yourself, it’s never too late. There are tournaments that run all year round and even if you’ve never even seen a game in your life, it will take no more than a few minutes to get to grips with what is going on. It could have been said ‘to get to grips with the action’ but ‘action’ is not really how snooker rolls – it’s much more relaxing than that.